Talking to Themselves

One night last fall I was leaving the Harold B. Lee Library on BYU’s campus after a long night of intense studying. Actually, I was there with a few friends so we probably didn’t get as much studying done as we should have. But nevertheless, the sun had long set as we came out of the large glass atrium entrance to the vast vault of knowledge that is the library.

As we embarked into the darkness I noticed a young lady making her way towards us alone through the deserted campus. When she got within earshot of her she began to laugh. It wasn’t a laugh like she was remembering a funny joke her friend told her earlier in the day, or a laugh like she was replaying the latest episode of “The Office” in her head, but a full out guffaw. This girl was busting a gut, and she was all by herself. My first thought was, “Did I forget to zip up?” She couldn’t have been able to tell that my fly was down in the darkness. As she got even closer and I checked myself for embarrassing blunders she started busting a gut again. This girl was getting a huge kick out of something, and there were only four of us around. I thought the girl had escaped from the loony bin. She had to be certifiably crazy, or homeschooled, or something. There are all kinds at BYU, I tell you what.

As we passed this loopy nut, I caught a glimpse of a wire running down her neck and into her jacket pocket. This girl wasn’t laughing at the voices in her head; she was talking on the phone.

Hands free devices are great. They can help you do important things like drive or type while you are talking on the phone. But many people are making complete fools of themselves on a daily basis by using these things.

Able bodied people with at least one free had can’t seem to muster the energy to actually hold a phone. Either they have a severe lack of endurance, or else all of their endurance is zapped by repeated marathon-like phone conversations. Could they really so lazy that they can’t hold a phone to their ear?

Some people confuse me by sticking the earphone in their ear, and then using their FREE HAND to hold the microphone up to their mouth. Not only were these things invented so that you don’t have to use your hands, but they are also designed to pick up your voice perfectly from exactly where they hang from your ear. By holding them next to your mouth all the person on the other end will hear is static.

All you people walking through the mall like a hot shot with your blue tooth stuck in your ear, you don’t look cool, you look lazy. And for everyone walking around campus with that little wire running up into your ear, you aren’t “multi-tasking,” you look like you are having a conversation with your multiple personalities.



So unless you’re driving in your car, typing on your computer, or performing another essential task that requires both of your hands suck it up and hold the phone up to your ear. That way we all know that you aren’t laughing at the joke that your alter ego just told, or at us for that matter.